How not to meditate

Lately I find myself thinking continually in Instagram shots and stylized photo setups.  My mind is a whir of hashtags, SEO, tags, categories, posts likes and little red hearts not to mention little read dots with numbers I must manage.  Optimize!  Get featured!  Boost that post!  I look at my dinner and think "Which background would set this off in the best light?"

I've needed a reboot day for a while.  A day when I could slow down and disconnect with all the outside noise and reconnect with myself.  I hadn't really planned ahead for it but when I got up this morning, I knew today was the day.  After I fed the chickens and the sheep, milked four goats and fed all nine, fed the dogs, cut the goat who insists on jumping the fence out of the fence and watered everybody, I was ready to get busy relaxing and contemplating life.  

The first thing I did was make popovers for breakfast.  I rarely do anything more special than mix up instant oatmeal but lo and behold I had some milk and eggs.  Popovers are a treat from my past.  My mom used to make them for special occasions and hers were always perfect and "popped".  My attempts over the years have been called "popunders" but I keep trying.  

During the 20 minutes the potential popovers were baking I thought I might start my intentional day with a little meditation.  I used to be pretty good at it.  At one point I had worked myself up to 30 minutes without too much squirming.  I was sure I could last 20 minutes.  The first five minutes were spent finding enough blankets to prop up my backside so my hips didn't hurt.  The next five minutes were spent shifting around trying to find a good position on those blankets and trying to decide if I wasn't in lotus position was I breaking some unspoken yoga rule.  Finally I settled in.  It went like this:  Fluffy clouds, breathe in, breathe out, hmm... I wonder if the buzzer will go off on the oven soon, NO!  Fluffy clouds, breathe in breathe out,  did I water that stupid jumping goat, NO! breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breath..., I really need to clean the office, breathe in, breath... I really should make something nice for dinner, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe... I better take a peak and make sure the candle that isn't touching anything isn't burning the house down, breath in...Buzzz... thank goodness!

After that little relaxing moment I pulled the beautiful popped popovers out of the oven and buttered up a few and headed out to eat on the picnic table on our front porch.  This table affords a great view of the the goat and front sheep pen.  It also faces east and who would have thought I needed sunscreen on the 21st of April?  I may or may not have eaten half a dozen of those tasty popovers and then I forged on in search of enlightenment by preparing that nice dinner I "meditated" about, homemade rolls and shredded bbq chicken.  Kneading is meditative, shredding chicken is meditative, going to the store to get the 5 things I didn't have in the pantry not meditative!

By the time I got home everyone else was returning to the house and my contemplative time was up.  Although not usually a whiz in the kitchen (I set fire to the stove twice just this week) I got lots of compliments on dinner and all was right with the world.

Clearly I need some more practice at slowing down and being intentional and undocumented.  I did manage to have a picture perfect moment with the baby goats this morning all circled around their milk pail.  I enjoyed the moment alone and resisted the urge to run for my camera.  Yesterday as I was taking pictures around the farm I caught this little bee going about his business.  He, drinking nectar and gathering pollen and me marveling at the simplicity and being thankful he didn't sting me and make me blow up like a balloon.  Its the little things.   Maybe Ive got it figured out after all.